We met when I was fresh out of my marriage, and still very much mentally in relationship mode. And you stole my attention. You were charming, new, and convenient. For a while I made you too important, grasped the minute comforts I found with you. You were clever, good with your mouth. Unfortunately, the rest of your performance fell short.
You gave close to nothing and took more than I should have offered. When your selfishness took center stage, my attempts to end our pairing fell on deaf ears.
I don’t know how many nights I woke up at 4 AM with 22 missed calls, endless texts alerting me that you were outside, and would I please just let you in. Once I even caught you spying from the courtyard below my balcony while I had friends over.
I spent a year and a half with him,l, and the moment it ended, you reappeared. Did you know? I can’t comprehend how you could have, but you always seemed to sense when was the best time to strike.
It’s funny that your name was the only one he ever learned of.
When he and I split the second time, I randomly (believe me, no one could have planned this, no matter how calculating) ran into you in public twice in 5 days. What was the universe offering me this time? Companionship? Familiarity? And I fell for it, for a moment. Luckily for me, your presence wore thin quickly.
Now, he and I have split for good. And somehow, with two new social media profiles (probably because I blocked your others) you positioned yourself in my orbit once again.
I wish I could welcome you back in. I wish you wouldn’t be a supreme disappointment. Again. But, this time, I know better.
11 years and countless chances to prove me wrong have seen you to be left wanting. You couldn’t ever be what I needed. And i am certain you’ll never become what I want.
This goodbye arrives before hello again is even a thought.
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