Not a storm. A consistent summer surge of drops. Gentle, but without pause.
Did the heavens react to my melancholy? The downpour of water that left my eyes to travel endlessly across my cheeks and drop from my chin? Was it crying with me?
My thoughts last night overtook me. Loneliness, despair, hopelessness. For my situation, the path my life has taken. For those I miss. My child; my reason for continuing to breathe and exist. My constant healer. My soul’s protector. And him. The one who swore forever, yet betrayed me at every chance. My dreams, so unreachable, so completely shattered beyond my ability to repair them.
Ache fills my center, my heart cracks wide open again as if lightning struck directly into the base of me. Escape from this torment evades me no matter how I reach for the cure, the end of this madness.
This waterfall outside seems fed by my own misery that has claimed my body as its abode. Its thirst unquenched despite the liquor I’ve poured to try to satiate its wrath.
Did I ask for too much? Love, someone to fight for me selflessly, a future where I could experience bliss? It never seemed like an extraneous proposition. I’ve given so much of myself without demanding reciprocity. I’ve sworn myself to those in need without hesitation. I’ve loved without condition.
Rain, and my tears, continue to fall. When do they run dry? When does this agony relent? How do I move when remaining here has become so familiar, so present, so encompassing?
Will the answers reveal themselves? Ever? Soon? Before it’s too late for me to recognize a way out?
In this moment… I cannot fathom how.
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